The second day of January came in like a lion, making me wonder if the year was shaping up to be the one of clarity I’m craving so much.

Perhaps I became concerned about low visibility because of the blowing snow, but it was probably seeing the Jeep a few cars ahead spin into the wrong lane of traffic.

In a way, it reminded me of my life and that in turn filled me with a strong sense of caution.

The last few months have been hard.

Beautiful and painful in equal measure, mixed up in a package that makes me wonder sometimes how much more I can handle.

Then in the same moment I feel so blessed, knowing how much worse it could be.

Have I been lucky?

In many ways, I’ve been luckier than I deserve.

I’ve gone so many years without significant badness happening. Perhaps it was just my time.

But like everyone else, I don’t care about the good I’ve had. I’m greedy and I want more, with less of the terrifying, earth-shaking, and potentially soul-crushing knowledge that I, and everyone I love, are mortals after all.

No matter how much magic I dream of, create, or wish were real.

With magic and reality both in my head, I’ve decided my word this year is Clairvoyant.

In the original definition of the word, I want to be clear sighted:

Accept the world as it is,

while working for the world as it could be.

To see my flaws and gifts equally and celebrate them all for making me unique.

To see those around me as unique, and worthy of love and kindness,

To forgive them when they lash out in pain.

I want to see the beauty of nature,

To be able to stop,

Even in the midst of a bad day,

And look at the sharp blue sky against brilliant white snow and not feel the cold.

While I may have wished for magic powers as a child (truthfully, I still do),

Now I am working toward being in the moment, grateful for all of life’s ups and downs.