Horizon

The clouds obscure the edge,

world dropping off unannounced

The horizon stretches out,

the distance pronounced

We travel this world

naked and alone

wrapped in illusions

that feel like home

Unique to our experiences,

no two the same,

we struggle and learn,

solitaire our game

At the end of our journey,

Our own judgement we must face.

With no knowledge of the rules,

we can never understand our place

But the point is not to win or lose,

the score is not kept.

We learn, we love, we grow,

and somehow, we learn to accept

Blink

Tonight we went out for supper and a show. Stage west, our chance to have a delicious buffet that generally leaves us full of regret about our lack of willpower, and entertainment afterwards.

I was looking forward to the night, a chance to spend time with friends and go out without the children, but I wasn’t overly keen on the topic- the 90’s.

It was a musical review, and I lived through the songs what felt like just yesterday.

But as I listened, I could feel the years peel away.

I was in grade 8, 12, university.

I was driving back from air cadet camp with friends,

I was figure skating with others to whomp there it is.

I was awake at four am, watching the spice girls movie by myself, too scared to go to bed after the movie I’d watched before it.

I was singing at the top of my lungs, thinking I’d love to be a drag queen. They get all the best music and dresses and sparkle. And Cher and Celine are fabulous.

It feels like I just blinked and here I am. An adult pushing forty. But tonight I was 16, 18, 21.

I felt alive and carefree.

The music was the background of my youth, and listening to it tonight I was young again.

I think it’s time to start going out and dancing.

As long as I can be home by ten.

Expiry date

It always comes

as a shock

The rusting of the vessel

expiration dates

That come too soon

Tides and seasons wait

For no one

Life a series of blinks,

Too soon flying away

Another breath catches,

Releases,

Fades into the dark night

Alone at the end,

The body crumples

Then lies silent,

Waiting

for the next adventure

Go to bed

Did you ever feel as though

A three year old is smarter?

More agile in their reasoning,

More devious in their devices

Trouble lurks around every twinkle,

careless regard for every rule.

The only master their love of cookies

Their only desire to win on their terms

The nightly battle for supremacy

Takes its toll on mom and dad

This too shall pass,

or so they say

I shake my head as I lie

in the toddler bed,

Go to sleep, I say, you’re killing me.

His only reply a devilish smile.

The negotiation

I watch as my child negotiates

One more pop-cle

Just one

Pleeeeeeeease daddy?

Eyes as big as the sun,

He stares sadly at it

While daddy eats.

He’s already had two,

But that’s not enough.

More sugar,

Pleeeeeeease

He’ll fine every excuse,

Every loophole

Any emotional blackmail he can

Just three,

but born knowing how

to twist daddy around his little finger,

Mommy too.

Hard to resist,

Tonight the adults win,

Or do they?

Haunted by eyes full of sorrow.

In one smooth movement,

Daddy caves.

Toddler wins.

Pop-cle for the win.

The love of reading

We read almost every night.

Part of it is for their school work, part of it is to pass down what I remember from when I was a child.

Every night, we would lay in bed and have a night time story read to us. It sparked my curiosity for the world around me in so many ways.

The old value tale books taught me of real people in history who did amazing things.

Dr. Suess taught me the joy of silly rhymes. The first book I read was one fish, two fish red fish, blue fish.

One day the words all fell into alignment and made sense.

I never looked back, able to study or read for pleasure much faster than the average person.

Truly the reason I got through university, looking back.

The reason, perhaps, that I love to write, to express myself in the beauty and grace of words, even when I’m sometimes lost for them in the moment.

I never looked back until now.

Watching my five and six year old challenged by words that seem so automatic to me.

Amazed by how they sound out words, with pats and clicks and grunts.

Phrases like “sneaky e” and shy Sherman, b and d interchangeable and tricky.

I’m in awe of how they work through something that is

hard for them, with determination and excitement at their success.

I can’t wait to have warm cozy nights by the fireplace as we read our own books, together in our faraway worlds.

The entertainer

Another day after a bad sleep.

The little man in my life is getting worse not better. He seems to either be having separation anxiety or more likely, has discovered that mom and dad have a nice, soft bed that is nicer than his.

So yawning my way through, we accomplished the day. I managed to run, tidy and take the kids out for a little run around session before filling them with junk food.

I feel that McDonald’s can be an important part of a balanced diet, or maybe I just got lazy. But darn it, chicken nuggets are like cool space food and I always feel like an astronaut eating them.

We came home and relaxed before I fed and bathed and put them to bed.

It wasn’t easy to entertain them while running on coffee fumes, but it was fun listening as they explained how things work.

My three year old “cracked his knee” and demanded an ice pack before exclaiming “all better”

My five year old explained why a crown was great for keeping her hair off her face.

My six year old explaining how cool Spider-Man is, and how he navigates high school and how they’ll be just like him in high school too.

So maybe today, I was the one who was entertained, instead of the other way around.

I can’t wait for tomorrow to see what they say next

The big picture

Everything changes but stays exactly the same.

A constant repetition of days, variations on a theme.

I think of composers who brilliantly altered the tune just enough to make the ear confused, but soothe it at the moment of distress.

Nothing is static, life changes eternally.

A loop of circumstances, circle of events.

Dirt isn’t just soil, but teeming with life.

Bacteria, viruses, parasites, creatures.

Coexist in a hierarchy of power, yet the mighty become lunch for the microscopic.

Our lives play out much the same.

Part of the whole and yet a tiny cog in the wheel, we march, we war, we eat, we love.

We die, give birth, fertilize the soil.

We are all part of the larger picture, we only need to take a step back and see it.

Arrival

Emotions run wild,

Like rapids in the spring

Full of the rush of life

And the treasure that can bring

Potential full and limitless

Every breath amazing

Evoke the beauty of creation

The fires of joy are blazing

Soft and oh, so sweet

An old soul again arrives

Ready to shine its light

On all the other lives

Birthday party

My little boy and his blue blankey, quiet as he falls asleep in my lap, over full of icing and excitement from his big night.

Happy birthday! He greeted as people came in, excited beyond all measure for the cake he knew was at hand, that was the only thing he truly wanted.

A quick night, children squealing and icing smeared all over the counter. My resolve against it’s power crumbling as it all too often does:

Sheet cake, my nemesis.

And now I carve out one small moment with my little man as his warmth breath tickles my ear.

Good night my love, thanks for another great year.